So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
