And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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