i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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