You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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