I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Everyone says I win the strip club
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
