I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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