NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
