the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
