I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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