I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
