Sry I called you an 8
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
