the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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