hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
