went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
