i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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