there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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