i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
