I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
