I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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