i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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