we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
