Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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