why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
