She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
