I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
