just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
