I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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