I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
