but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
