I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
