i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
