Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
