I'm lost and stupid without you.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
