I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
