If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
