I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
