yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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