Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
