I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
