dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
