I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
