well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize