what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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