Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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