margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
