It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
