I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
