I'm going to jail i love you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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