laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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