I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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