Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
