Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
