Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
