So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
