So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I need a burrito and a hug.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
