this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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