FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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