Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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