break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
