this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
