at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
