We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
