I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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