I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
