Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
