hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
