that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
