You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
