I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
