it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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