she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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