we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
