Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
