Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
