WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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