I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
