Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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